Chanel Pre-Fall 2014
Chanel’s Métiers D’Art Paris-Dallas Collection
As refreshing as it may seem to express frustration using those statements, the kids are listening. That’s why. Teen girls and young women who need something more from us. I can teach my girls that men are pigs and heterosexuality is a life-ruiner, thinking that doing so will protect them from bad guys by making them canny or something. Chances are good at least a couple if not all three will have relationships with men eventually, so what will I equip them with if this is the message I send out, implicitly or explicitly? Well let’s see: lowered expectations that put them at risk and in danger—if a man acts badly, well, that’s what they do! And why would you bother looking for a better one or asking him to get his act together? Lowered self-esteem and less ability to accept their adult desires and longings—what a horrible state, to be cursed with wanting men, who are terrible, and heterosexuality, which is a life-ruiner! This is no better than the teachings of the most repressive misogynist religious sects. And they also can get a depressed, hopeless mindset that they will never find happiness and fulfillment because good men are a myth and you dare not hope to find one and if you think you did, just you wait! It’s a life ruiner, remember?
And the attitude that women are victims of heterosexuality, the “life ruiner,” isn’t even terribly funny to joke about because it strips women of our agency once again. It buries our desires in a bad joke about “the curse” and erases good things we have created. I can’t think of my friend at church, a lovely lady of 85 who so clearly enjoys the presence and support of her sweet husband of 60-some years and so obviously talks to him as her best friend, as a “victim,” a person buried in “socialization” and “false consciousness.” They built something amazing together, a human relationship that stands strong after decades, and she did it as much as he did. And we are going to take away the credit from her?
I happen to find this all very wrong and unhelpful and destructive.
So for the lurkers who are young and discouraged and maybe you are wondering if you can be feminist and straight, or Christian and feminist, or something like that—I’ve had a fair number of anons like that—don’t give up on finding a good man to live your life with, because “heterosexuality is a life ruiner” is spin. It’s at best an honest wounded reaction to real bad things that happen all too often to many women. And at worst, it’s just the kind of snarky thing people say to make themselves feel better and others feel bad about themselves. The pain is real and I don’t want to make light of it. I am not a stranger to being hurt or disappointed by males, myself, and I understand the impulse. But on the other hand, I’ve also experienced and observed this part of the story:
Heterosexuality is a life-creator. Heterosexuality is love. Heterosexuality is orgasms. Heterosexuality is cuddles and kisses. Heterosexuality is seeing your face and the face of your beloved become one in someone new. Heterosexuality is great works of art. Heterosexuality is beautiful love songs, from the opera to the opry. Heterosexuality is the dignified waning strength of an elderly man helping his wife to her feet. Heterosexuality is the look middle aged parents exchange as they watch their child walk down the aisle.
Anything populated by people can become corrupt or be used for ill. But giving up and getting cranky is for old hermits waiting to die, not young people starting life, not for people of any age who are the reformers and creators and problem solvers. Keep hope alive, there’s plenty of reason to have it in your heart.
OH MY GOD WHO BROUGHT THE THING BACK
IS THIS A GIFT FROM TUMBLR BECAUSE I DIE LAUGHING EVERY TIME I READ THIS SHIT
“I guess everyone’s just cropping out the sadness”
Trying to help? Your friend was messing up my tanks and messing up my whales.
placentipede replied to your post “i have a shameful confession: avril lavigne’s cover of how you remind…”
i hate that it’s nickleback but i do love avril unashamedly. it is lovely!!
request: Jodi + Bette signing
i have a shameful confession: avril lavigne’s cover of how you remind me is my new favorite thing.
robot-raccoon replied to your post “robot-raccoon replied to your post “seeing all of these posts together…”
the sad part is that I have no doubt that these are all real and non-trolls. it is so sad how believable this all is. and just think, these women exist in the real world, who act and look like every day women. one might even be living in your house!
hah, exactly. it’s amazing cos you know it’s possible to read that blog completely uncritically & most people will.